101 Ways To Kill Justin Bieber

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by TheFriendlypie, Nov 6, 2011.

  1. theteremaster Well-Known Member

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    epic skyrim reference at chelsea-o'clock
  2. VladimirGLenin Well-Known Member

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    This would be my choice..
    Lighthouse418 likes this.
  3. Eridian Well-Known Member

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    Replace his heart with a mechanical one, designed to fail after 5 years and make the maximum amount of noise possible.
  4. Lighthouse Well-Known Member

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    First we take him on a plane and shove a giant stick of dynamite in his dickhole and push him out but here is the beautiful part here:

    He strategiccly lands next to the firework factory, A toxic waste dump and the Pokemon factory and the explosion sparks the fireworks sending them into the nuclear waste that then explodes and sends pockets of radiation around the Pokemon factory thus making Pikachu a real thing.
  5. battleearl Well-Known Member

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    Place him on a medieval rack and eventually he'll be torn apart...

    Or let him listen to his own music 'till his brain explodes!
  6. Chelsea366 Retired Moderator

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    Enough annoying noise comes from JB already.
  7. TheFriendlypie Well-Known Member

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    That is not you're concern...
    Finally! A girl who hates Bieber! And I thought the world could never get better...
  8. Eridian Well-Known Member

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    Sure, but he wouldn't be able to record without stopping his heart.
  9. 0bserver92 Grand King of Moderation

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    I know several but overall most of them like him. It's like Twilight it's terrible but teen girls like it.
  10. Chelsea366 Retired Moderator

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    Anyone who likes Twilight should be executed by way of being sealed in a glass tank that is completely filled with glitter. Die you sparkle loving vampire ruiners.
  11. Romulus211 Proconsul

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    I like the Twilight book series more, and JB should be kept alive until he is torn apart like Britney spears, Of course there is the problem of him becoming another Justin Timberlake, But those chances are low!!
  12. Epiccheesegrater Well-Known Member

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    That wouldn't work, it would probably just inflate his ego.
  13. ddbb089 Well-Known Member

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    His skin should be torn apart apart with hooks like in Hellraiser (I think it was there but I could be wrong.) then he should be dropped into a tank of lemon juice then he should be dropped into a salt pile then his limbs should be sewered from his body and then he should be stabbed hundreds of times with a dull knoife and left to die

    Wait this sounds like something out of a Hostel movie...
  14. siracer66 Member

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    3 1/2 words
    bear holding a shark
  15. Lennins Beard Well-Known Member

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    Still don't get why you guys are going into such morbid details about murdering a 17 year old boy.

    Sick fucks
  16. TheFriendlypie Well-Known Member

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    After the nuclear weapon, we would take the remainder of his atoms, and throw them into a black hole. Then take all his music and also throw it into a black hole, from there on, peace would cover the land..
  17. Achtung Kommunisten! Well-Known Member

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    We should follow it up with a Stalinist-style airbrushing from history. Either that or denounce him as a heretic!
    If only... I fear we will have to stay vigilant for any trace of Beiber fever heresy! Burn the heretic! Purge the screechy fans!
  18. Lennins Beard Well-Known Member

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    I imagine you've just exited your Pop music phase, and are now deep into your Mainstream Hard Rock/Rap phase, which includes hating on Justin Bieber for no real reason. It should hopefully pass soon.
  19. TheFriendlypie Well-Known Member

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    Then we would take Lenins Beard, and the fans, and throw them into a black hole as well.
  20. Toast Well-Known Member

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    Bind him by the rafters of a large music hall with ropes and leave him in place for approximately one hour, adjusting the ropes like a Medieval stretching torture machine. Keep the ropes slightly slack so they start to chew through the skin of his wrists and burn his nerves. Then, carefully, we will lower him to the ground with only his left leg, jolting the rope as he spirals towards the ground at random intervals to induce vomiting. Then, when he is safely lowered to the ground, we will pluck out his hair with pliers while scorch his internal organs with searing hot wires inserted rectally.

    After this, we will begin the next stage. We slowly curve his jaw in on itself from the back, so his gums start to expand outwards and ultimately disfiguring him as his teeth will be arched out and upwards, like an angler-fish. Then, we rip holes in his cheeks and sow ropes through them. We will then have two burly black men pick up the ropes and walk away from each other. The sheer power will cause his lower jaw to server in twain. We will then remove both halves of his lower jaw using ball-peen hammers. By now he will be a lower-jaw-less bald disfigured mutilated young man, so our last move here will be shooting foamy soap up his nostrils and holding them tightly, causing his entire head to lactate foamy gunk profusely.

    We will then move on to the next stage. We will attach two makeshift nip-whisks (whisks that hold nipples) and suspend him in mid air a few feet from the ground. Then, we will UNLEASH THE WHISKS, churning his upper body into a pulpy gloop as he writhes in pain and his ribcage is ripped and torn and cracked. Then we'll sellotape vibrators in his armpits to tickle him until he bleeds.

    We will then shove delicately placed wires up his anus and fold them up into one rope. Once this is done, we need only to suspend him from the roof again, but this time we will escort him to the top. It will be bungee-jump-esque. He will fly from the roof, and the wires will catch, pulling all of his vital organs out of his anus, causing either a serious prolapse or just the severing of the entire body in half.

    Then we'll stop making jokes about Justin Beiber because it's not funny to make fun of a mutilated celebrity.

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