Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted, but your AI system spazzes out and deems you to be a detriment to the mission, so you get spaced.

I wish for the greenest grass.

Granted, but with it comes the crappiest crap.

I wish for a 10 minute break to occur.

Granted, but it is the worst break ever.

I wish I had a spy network.

Granted, but you have incompetent spies, and an enemy spy organization kills you and all of your spies.

I wish I had an amazing bodyguard.

Granted, but nobody tries to do any bodily harm to you, so you constantly lose money to him.

I wish for another cup of tea.

Granted, but Shisno pissed in it.

I wish I had a bigger role in the Shisno x Epiccheesegrater fanfic.

Granted, but your role is as a victim of rape.

I wish for the ultimate device.

Granted, but i stole it.

I wish I led the Michiganian Revolution of 1 May 2038.

Granted, but it is brutally put down by the national guard and you are killed in a gunfight.

I wish I had my own nation.

Granted, but 'Merica invades it and puts in a "Democracy"

I wish i could physically pull the US armed forces back to the US.

Granted but your arms fall off and they go back to there deployment locations because that's the job they signed up for.

I wish i could just punch snotty kids out cold.

Granted, but their steroid-muscled elder brothers hospitalise you.

I wish for a Chinese military shovel.

Granted, but it breaks.

I wish i was overlord of potato men.

Granted, but when the potato men are eventually defeated you are hung high over the town.

I wish for lemon cake.

Granted, but Shisno pissed on it.

I wish i had the power to summon Shisno at will

Granted, but he kills you out of frustration when you summon him constantly.

I wish I had minions.

Granted, but they rebel and kill you.

I wish i had the ability to grate cheese.

Granted, but you do it very badly.

I wish for an incendiary lemon.

Granted, but @Cave Johnson burns your house down with it.

I wish that GeorgykZhukov wouldn't call on me and make me piss on Epiccheesgrater's food.

Granted, but then you piss on your own food.

I wish Shisno wouldn't piss on my food.