Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted, but it is really just painted wood carved into the shape of a pocket watch.

I wish for a laser train.

Granted, but terrorists blow a bomb up on your train, killing hundreds.

I wish for a 3rd man to join me and Epiccheesegrater's circle jerk.

Granted, but he is offended by all the mean things said and he reports us both.

I wish for a witch-finding device.

Granted, but when you find a witch, they claw you to death.

I wish for a map. It could be any sort of map, a world map, a map of Toronto, anything, all I wish for, is a map.

Granted, but it is a Minecraft map which is of no value to you.

I wish for a magic item of some description.

Granted, but it is actually an item that kills those who have ownership of it, thus killing you.

I wish for ownership of Google.

Granted, but then your subordinate executives stage a hostile takeover and steal all of your assets.

I wish for all of your stolen assets.

Granted, but then I lead a raid on your house and steal back the assets.

I wish for a highly secured panic room.

Granted, but Panic Room happens.

I wish I knew what Shisno was talking about.

I wish Epiccheesegrater would not be so hypocritical of me, i.e. remembering to put his own wish down.

Granted, but instead he yells at you constantly.

I wish Shishno didn't forget to wish for something after he complained about Cheesegrater not wishing for something.

Granted, but it was a really crappy wish anyway.

I wish for a device which could instantly generate any food I wanted.

Granted, but it breaks while generating a pile of crap.

I wish Fred was smarter about what I right. I specifically made a wish.

Granted, but then everyone else is dumber.

I wish for a pencil.

Granted, but you cannot use it.

I wish for a nose.

Granted, but it is invisible.

I wish for a supercomputer.

Granted, but this supercomputer turns out to contain HAL 9000, thus resulting in your death and computer domination.

I wish for control over HAL 9000.

Granted, but then you have to deactivate HAL. Sadly, you do not know how to re-activate HAL.

I wish for a monolith.

Granted, but it cost you a ridiculous £41 from the den of sad that is Games Workshop.
I wish Thefatkid would release his My Little Pony virus.

Necrons are for scrubs.

Granted, but then everyone on the forum becomes a brony, and the infection soon spreads to the furthest reaches of the internet. Nobody is spared.

I wish Achtung Kommunisten! changed his avatar to a character from Zulu, like all the other active British members.