Cave Johnson
Last activity:
Nov 6, 2012
Joined:
Jun 15, 2012
Messages:
41
Likes Received:
9
Trophy Points:
12
Gender:
Male
Birthday:
Jan 9, 1955 (Age: 63)
Location:
Upper Peninsula of Michigan
Occupation:
CEO of Aperture Science

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Cave Johnson

Member, Male, 63, from Upper Peninsula of Michigan

I've been thinking ; what's the point any more? I mean why do I send countless people to death? Then I remember that reason; for Science! Jul 17, 2012

Cave Johnson was last seen:
Nov 6, 2012
    1. Cave Johnson
      I've been thinking ; what's the point any more? I mean why do I send countless people to death? Then I remember that reason; for Science!
    2. Cave Johnson
      We at Aperture have finally made what you've all been waiting for! You've seen a combustible lemon, but what about combustible...pie!
      1. Thefatkid and Shisno like this.
      2. Shisno
        Shisno
        I now have two ways of burning down life's house!
        Jul 15, 2012
      3. Thefatkid
        Thefatkid
        Can you make combustible water?
        Jul 15, 2012
      4. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        @Thefatkid we are working on it! Soon! Very soon! For Sciecne!
        Jul 17, 2012
    3. Cave Johnson
      So CERN has finally found the Higgs-Boson took them long enough; My scientists found it years ago while looking over our sofa test results.
      1. scottap25
        scottap25
        woah wait they did, for real?
        Jul 10, 2012
      2. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        yes actually for real!!
        Jul 11, 2012
    4. Thefatkid
      Science has proven that science is wrong for supporting aperture science testing in the scientific department of science! This is all in the support of science of course.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        Yes but Science is different from science especially from Aperture Science. And Science says thats science is not Science because science said that Science isn't science, so science is science but it is not Science...so says Cave Johnson; sponsor of Matt Davis' rebellion...for Science!
        Jul 5, 2012
      3. Thefatkid
        Thefatkid
        But the science that is not science is science. The science that is science is not science because the science does not allow for science to be science of aperture science in the scientific science.The new science is the current science which represents science, and they promote both sciences meaning that aperture science isn't science.
        Jul 5, 2012
      4. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        Yeah I know, it's Science.
        Jul 5, 2012
    5. Cave Johnson
      Aperture Science is now sponsoring Michigan's Matt Davis' armed rebellion against Obamacare..for Science!
    6. Cave Johnson
      I'm a proud Republican (obviously) so I say I support my peers insanity over Obamacare! And I full support Matt Davis's armed rebellion!
    7. Cave Johnson
      I love that time after major exams, it's just got that special something. It's because there are so many more real volunteers!
    8. Cave Johnson
      I want a consensus; what would you rather have £1000 or Science?
      1. View previous comments...
      2. BattalionOfRed
        BattalionOfRed
        Why pounds, good sir? Are you hiring Europeans now?
        Jun 20, 2012
      3. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        My PR department says that the reason why Aperture Science doesn't have enough involuntary volunteers is that I'm only offering them dollars. So what's your answer?!
        Jun 20, 2012
      4. DUTCHSOCIALIST!!!!
        DUTCHSOCIALIST!!!!
        Must.....follow....floating bowling ball.
        Jun 20, 2012
    9. Cave Johnson
      Involuntary volunteers for the win!!
    10. Cave Johnson
      So...anyone interested in Science?
    11. Cave Johnson
      I've been thinking, I can get my scientists to harness the hot air that comes out of D3adtraps mouth and make a renewable energy source.
      1. Thefatkid and D3adtrap like this.
      2. Thefatkid
        Thefatkid
        Epic Burn.
        Jun 18, 2012
    12. Cave Johnson
      You know the only reason Greece is in such a bad way is that they funded Black Mesa and not Aperture Science!
    13. Cave Johnson
      D3adtrap, I will follow you on twitter if you take part in Aperture Science's newest human testing trials ot our chlorine baths!
      1. D3adtrap likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. D3adtrap
        D3adtrap
        Hmmm... What ever happens to me, I should be able to make a nice profit of ad revenue from your follow and cover all medical expenses as well. Ok, it's a deal!
        Jun 17, 2012
      4. Cave Johnson
        Cave Johnson
        Yes, medicine can help you.
        Jun 17, 2012
      5. Julien
        Julien
        You , sir , just earned yourself a follower !
        Jun 17, 2012
    14. Cave Johnson
      So we got the new test subjects today, I do not envy them as they will be testing our new chlorine bathing system. God help them.
    15. Shisno
      Hi there!
    16. Cave Johnson
      Damn you Black Mesa! When I get my combustible lemons out of pre-production...
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    If Ignorance was a person I would punch them...then I would put them into the radiation shielding placebo group...for Science!

    About

    Gender:
    Male
    Birthday:
    Jan 9, 1955 (Age: 63)
    Location:
    Upper Peninsula of Michigan
    Occupation:
    CEO of Aperture Science
    Political Views:
    Science!
    So what? I'm meant to talk about myself? *inaudible mumble* Ok then. *clears throat* I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science, and...What?... Friendly? I'm being friendly ... Anyway Aperture Science wants yo- What are you saying now?! I'm talking to them! I'm your CEO and I pay your salary and I'll talk to them however I like! Now, Aperture Science is looking for volunteers to take part in our tests to further the cause of Science. So...who wants to make 50 bucks?