Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted. You live life to full with lots of bling, booty and alcohol. Then you get hit by a truck.

I wish for Germany to win Euro UEFA 2012.

Granted, but it turns out they were on steroids in the final.

I wish for England to win in the World Cup in 2014.

Granted, but this causes the the EU invades the UK, and installs a brutal dictatorship.

I wish that this wouldn't be just a simple circle jerk.

Granted, but then fagets come and ruin everything.

I wish for a narrator.

Granted, but the narrator makes you sound like an American southerner.

I wish for a tree.

Granted, but it falls on you, paralysing you from the neck downwards.

I wish for a monopoly over something.

Granted, but it is a monopoly over the sale of tumbleweeds.

I wish for a tumbleweed.

Epiccheesegrater sell one to you but unfortunately it turns out to be a pineapple.

I wish for popcorn with cheddar flavour.

Granted, but you find it so addictive that you can eat nothing else, and you eat so much that you become morbidly obese.

I wish for a decanter of a classy drink.

Granted, but the government takes 50% of it.

I wish for my own nuclear missile.

Granted, but you have no way to launch it and it is confiscated by the government.

I wish for limes.

Granted. Also life gave you lemons.

I wish for some nachos.

Granted, but they are laced with cyanide.

I wish for ridiculous amounts of money.

Granted, but the government takes it all from you after you're charged with fraud and illicit means of obtaining the money.

I wish I was the leader of the freemasons.

Granted, but it turns out that all you do is talk about masonry to your fellow freemasons.

I wish I was the leader of the stonecutters.

Granted, but during your time cutting stone, you are killed.

I wish for a pizza pie.

Granted, but you're disgusting for ordering such thing.

I wish the OP weren't dead.

Granted, but he turns this thread into his own fascist dictatorship, with FascistPatriot as his 2nd-in-command.

I wish for FascistPatriot to be destroyed.

Granted, but CheFlegel replaces him.

I wish for a pencil, of doom.

Granted, but this pencil warps you into another dimension where crocodiles are like humans, and have killed all humans.

I wish for a pocket watch.