Evening gentlemen, on days such as this one I like to sit back in a handsome leather chair with my favorite drink in hand but today a thought inched its way into my mind. Something else was needed. Perhaps it is time that we wrote something for the forums. A good old fashioned film noir. Open this and this and we may begin. It was raining hard that night, almost hard enough to was away the memory of that red dress, thread by thread it drained in to sewers. I hadn't heard from the chief in over a week and the landlord was giving me the shifty eye. I knew I had to go out and find a case on my own. I stepped out into the cold streets, the rain beating heavily on my overcoat as I strolled down the block looking for something to give my life purpose. That is when I saw her under an umbrella, just outside the bar in a tight black dress. She looked like that kind of gal who found trouble no matter where she went. I decided to talk her up. I approached her and said...
Fine time for my Tourette's Syndrome to start playing up. I know that women like a bit of spontaneity, but this was ridiculous. Nevertheless, she looked at me, gave a wry smile, put her hand on my shoulder and said...
...necked sweater was in those pretty little hands of hers. She said: 'This here's a very important artifact. It's...
(DISREGARD THE LAST TWO POSTS BY TOAST AND BYZANTINE) I don't think you get it, she started, come with me... She said in the most sensual and mysterious way, my curiosity drew me towards her every step of the way. We walked, silently, until we reached what appeared to be the long lost valley of ashes, and she lead me to what must have been her apartment. It smelled like stale crackers. What are we doing? I asked. I told you, her voice was like ice, cold and smooth, undoubtedly pleasant. She pulled out of her purse the most terrifying weapon I had yet seen. I'm going to put it in your ass. She began to lube up the dildo...
In anger and fear, I howled like a banshee into her face: "you eunuch slutwhore bitch!" before springing from her inflatable sofa and out of her window, grazing my face and getting glass all up in my pubes and shit
When I landed on a trash heap, i was knocked unconscious. I awoke back at her apartment, this time tied by my wrists and ankles to her bead, face down...
In a big glob of wobbly jelly, a dead Thai ladyboy laying dead with a gaping anus laying in a sink. "Fuck", says I, I've killed a guy
Surprisingly, the first voice I heard was that of a man, it sounded like that black guy who sang "what what in the butt". Oh shit...
I sprang from the jelly and rushed for the window, I used my trench coat as a Zip-line and zipped to the ground I then proceeded to go and find any drug dealers since it being late at night would be an easy case and I will finally be albe to support myself, but then as i looked at the road a black car approached its headlights getting brighter and brighter until it stopped and 4 large men came out and said...
I realized that this was impossible, I couldn't escape from my bondage, and I found my self back in the bed. I must have been drugged. My anus was in pain, and I was dripping in sweat, not all of which was mine. I had a boner.
But that's not how pregnancy works, and I am a male. These drugs were really messing with my mind, they made me think that some dirty Salvadexicans need to shut the hell up.
Well that sure stayed classy for long. Is what it said on the floppy disk. I'll let someone more creative decide what kind of content would have that title. (This 3 1/2 floppy clearly has a lot of memory)
