Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted, but I use a pen to write a check that buys me a nuke which I drop on your tank.

I wish I had a magic wand that could never be stolen.

Granted, but it is borrowed and never returned.

I wish I was omnipotent and omniscient.

Granted, but you die.

I wish I knew every word in every language.

Granted, but you're a mute.

I wish I had an in-depth knowledge on everything.

Granted, but you are abducted by aliens and and they direct your brain.

I wish ALIENS!!!

Granted, but ghosts.

I wish for potato.

Granted, but tomato.

I wish pie.

Granted, but it is poisoned.

I wish I had unlimited free access to food from a chippy.

Granted, but all chippys go out of business.

I wish !

Granted, but .

I wish I knew about Kantian philosophy.

Granted, but Kantian philosophy becomes irrelevant.

I wish bunny.

Granted, but Ghengis Khan.

I wish people would make wishes which made sense.

Granted, but no.

I wish that Krabby Patties were real.

Granted, but they're absurdly expensive.

I wish this site had a witch-hunt to reveal all of the odious reds, wherever they may hide.

Granted, but it turns out that 90% of the members are commies.

I wish Hitler was reincarnated, so I could kill him.

Granted, but you and many others are involved in a brutal race to locate Hitler and kill him. You are one of the first to die in the morbid rat-race.

I wish for a wizard beard which grants me wizard powers.

Granted, but Snape kills you. Or you let the monster pass.

I wish for the power of invicibility.

Granted, but you die of dysentry. Invincibility doesn't cover that does it?

I wish for invincibility, immortality and immunity to disease.

Granted, but you are put under water with 1000 steel anchors attached to your legs through steel chains. You live forever underwater, unable to do anything.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but the government take you for experimentation.

I wish I could speak purely in quotes.