Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted, but in his time away he has become bitter and hateful and begins wishing death upon all.

I wish Toast returned.

Granted, but so does everyone else that was banned.

I wish for a spray can of whipped cream (Reddiwhip)

Granted, but it's empty.

I wish for a classy suit.

Granted, but then the game becomes more boring and people leave, until the thread is completely empty.

I wish for ice-cream.

Granted, but it melts.

I wish for an unlimited supply of chocolate ice cream that doesn't melt.

Granted but you soon find yourself addicted to it and continue to stuff yourself full of ice cream, until you eventually explode.

I wish I had some Caffeinated chocolate.

Granted, but what happened to Shisno happens to you, except instead of exploding you explore new forms of drugs to achieve more psychedelic highs, until one day you are found dead outside of Poundland from a PCP overdose.

I wish I had a cup of tea right now.

Granted, but there is cyanide in it, so you die.

I wish my posts were never ninja'd.

Granted, but that's only because everybody other than you stops posting.

I wish this thread got new posters, other than Chives telling it how it is.

Granted, but the new poster is FasicstPatriot and a Napoleon multi.

I wish FascistPatriot didn't exist.

Granted, but there are five Napoleon multi's in his place.

I wish I knew the identity of every multi on the forum.

Granted, but the multis would silence you for eternity.

I wish I had the ability to read the mind of any person I wanted to.

Granted, but your mind becomes overcrowded with the thoughts of others and you are driven insane.

I wish I had force powers.

Granted, but you can only use the force on Sunday's.

I wish I had the power of Necromancy.

Granted, but you can only use it every other Wednesday.

I wish for the power to LARP.

Granted, but you can't carry the plate mail
I wish the file uploader would work!!!

Granted, but it is stolen and you are brutally killed in the burglary.

I wish for cake.

Granted, but all the cake are lies.

I wish for a cake that isn't a lie.

Granted, but it's only a muffin.

I wish for some cookies.