I've never laughed so hard since the local pagan family tried to perform a ritual on the local train tracks and got hit!
You know, I've always taken pride in the fact that I'm there for my friends, that they can depend on me. But I'm sorry, that doesn't extend as far as shoving my fingers into the vagina and anus of a girl I hardly know. I'm not that desperate. Most of the people who tried were female and/or very drunk. I wasn't so I had a clear head, and that head told me to stay the fuck away. My friend is closer friends with the girl and drunk. He drank another full glass of beer to prepare himself. He plays the piano and has particularly long and thin fingers, and was more "energetic" in his efforts. Indeed. You know, you could stop talking. I've been trying to erase that detail from my mind. It isn't easy, I can tell you, and you're definitely not making it any easier. Please stop. Please.
